I was not aware of just how big the undercurrent of anger was among young men. I used to be one of them but now I look back and I can barely remember that mindset, though the world has changed (except for the worse); I have changed.
I’ve done my time as a nerd and a loser and an outcast. All through high school and my first two years of university.
I have done my time being angry at the world; hanging out on internet raging about the world; posting away long lonely nights on /b/
I have wasted cold nights dick in hand jacking off to fetish porn; each stroke further digging the deep hollow with in my soul; the bliss at the end giving way to existential despair and gut wrenching loneliness.
I have done my fair share of reading the manosphere; of reading pick up sites even before there was a manosphere
I have done my time hating the world and hating women.
And one day, I said thats who I want to be; thats not me. But it was me. So I had to change.
I have clawed my way up, turned myself around through that anger and I have improved myself through constant struggle.
I had my first kiss and first fuck on the same night. I was nearly 23. She was drunk, fat and ugly. I felt a mix of relief, shame and pride. The highest point in modern man’s life. I became a budding pick up artist and I banged hotter women. I was called a late bloomer.
I was not a late bloomer. I was lied to about everything, sold bullshit and ate every word of it, begged for more.
I have a degree I’ll never use, debt that will take me years to pay off (if ever, it seems somedays).
I have staggered out of the fog of illusion and grasped half truths, used them to make myself into something who looks at the old me with disgust, with shame. But I was finally amounting to something.
I’ve had life take everything I hadm everything. Everything I had strived for, had spent two years building, two years sof sweat slowly turning my life around only to have it snatched away.
I have known depression and I have contemplated suicide.
I have started off worse than I was, worse than I thought possible.
I have been without money, I have counted every cent I owned, counting the day to pay day.
The measure of a man is the size of his struggle, not his accomplishments.
Mine has been big, it still hurts to think about, but I am on the path to greatness again, stronger, smarter and more determined.
There are many who have had it worse than I, whose struggle is more and yet it is invisibile.
Our struggle is one of apathy, cluelessness and hopelessness.
Those who do not give over to either.
1. Lonely nights spent jacking off to increasing sickening porn, trolling forums and feeling dead inside
2. Anger. Anger at everything. Use that anger. Decide what you want, what you deserve then go and get it.
I want one thing above all. Freedom. I want to be no one’s bitch and I want no one as my bitch. I don’t want bosses and I will only take employees reluctantly (if ever hopefully). I don’t want bureacrats and governments and do gooders running my life and I don’t want to have that power over others.
I want to watch sunrises, meet interesting people, leave my works to outlive me, explore new places and experience new things. I am even still hopeful enough to consider a family…
In short, I am my own man and I am going my own way. I need nothing from society, of twittering masses, mindless entertainment, tax theft, and nanny states.
I am the type of man who will consequently bring society down. Men like me, you, us who realize that we don’t need to maintain a monstrosity not worth maintaining but can pursue adventure, art, women, excitement and leave our mark a myriad of different ways; societies expectations be damned.
I’ve been angry, jaded, depressed, borne insults, ridicule and condescension. I’ve fought and I’ve struggled only to lose everything once more. But I’m still here.
Society only survives through our consent, through our keeping it going. We are the cogs and wheels and gears. If we live our own lives instead the machine of civilisation will fall apart.
From that we, the young men of today, may be the rebuilders of a new civilisation.
But first we must survive. Society is failing, governments are becoming totalatarian, the economic house of cards is propped up by cotton balls, violence is seething beneath the placid surface.
I have another sixty years (hopefully) left before me. In that time I expect to see wars, civil unrest, economic collapse and depression, possibly governments overthrown or else totalatarian descent, maybe even civil war.
I could be a fighter, a resistor. Maybe I’m just talk and quick to flee. Rich one day and starving the next. A man with a harem or a man with a family.
Al I know is that I must survive. And deep down I am a survivor. I’ve been tested; the more life kicks me around the more determined I become.
To survive these times though is different. Someone hits you, you hit back. You get sick, you do everything you can to get better. Your house gets knocked down, your crops die and your wife runs off then you you rebuild, replant and find someone worth hanging onto instead.
But today our challenge is to survive this existential crisis, this calm before the storm. We live in a society where everything, from TV to food to tight jeans spa of us our vitality, where ambition and achievement seem pointless and out of reach, where conformity is so pushed, where hardwork is heart breakingly futile.
We can see or define, taste, touch or smell what is killing us, grinding up our souls. We can barely sense it; that pervading hopelessness. But we can rage against it, for what else is to be done?
Live! Live for yourself, your family and those worth giving a damn about. Do your own thing, go your own way. Survive, thrive and stand fast as the world around you crumbles. Don’t give into hopelessness. Take that anger and use it.