Never go digging into your past. Everything has a season and my time in this town had its season. Its surprising how little it has changed in some ways. Some of the familiar background faces are still there. Three years have passed and yet these people are still stuck in the same routine. I could not think of a greater horror.
Every man has one who got away. For me it was the last girl I had an infatuation with, back in my omega days. She was a mess when I met her. Absolutely beautiful and broken. A monument of abusive relationships, substance addiction, and desperation.
The white knight in me wanted to save her. It nearly destroyed me. She was an emotional vampire and she fed off me whilst she fucked others. I ended up angry and bitter. That anger became a catalyst of self improvement. In a way I owe her, for if I had not met her I might never have found the dedication to turn my life around; to get revenge on her.
Revenge never came. What came instead was other girls. Younger, hotter girls. A long time later I met the one who got away. I was different. She was the same. I had the game, the charisma, to conquer her. I was still a beta at heart and passed up a sure thing. It haunts me still; unfinished business. It drove Dante to create a masterpiece of literature.
Those tortured memories haunt me and drive me. There is a saying that behind every great man is a woman but never the woman he married.
I pictured her an aging spinster careening into the wall, ravaged from years of abuses. Yet I still feel the obsession stirring within; I must have her just once.
Instead I have heard from a mutual acquaintance that she is married and has a kid. Very happy was the phrase he used. Time moves on. The past cannot be recaptured. I am not the same person I was when I left this town; when I knew her.
She is not the same person either; her youth is going, her beauty would not be what it was in the time I knew her. The girl who haunts my memories, whose body I long to touch, lips I long to kiss, is a figment of the past; she is dead and cannot ever be found.
Whoever this woman is with the same name and same face cannot be the muse of my youth. That business shall forever remain unfinished; I am a different man. I have the future to look forward to.