The People of the United States today announced that they were restructuring their country and would be outsourcing their government positions. Joe Sixpack, a spokesperson for the People of the United States, had this to say, “In these difficult financial times you have to save money where you can. Unfortunately government positions have become too expensive and in order to generate more savings for our tax payers we are going to be outsourcing government to India.”
Mr Sixpack went on to add this reassurance, “Listen, I know that government is a vital contributor to the GDP of any country but the bottom line is we can no longer justify the salaries and expenses we’ve been paying these people. In an age of interconnectedness and communication there is no reason that someone in India could not pass laws and start wars just as well as someone in Washington. The days of needing to actually be in the same room reading a paper bill is passed and its time the United States moved on into the 21st century.”
Mr Obama, who holds a senior government position with the United States, was shocked and saddened. “They’re going to take my house. My wife, my two girls, we’ll be out on the street. I have no marketable skills. Being a politician is all I know.”
Mr Sixpack had this to say to Mr Obama, “We are going to offer voluntary reskilling for all current politicians who are interested. We will try to find them something that will employ all their talents. We’ve had a great deal of interest from the fertiliser industry. Mr Obama should not worry, with his ability to read from a teleprompter and his photogenic looks we believe he would be better suited for a role as a news reader.”
The United States has been in a dire financial situation for some time and this is its last chance of avoiding insolvency. Critics have slammed the United States of thinking of the hip pockets of tax payers before thinking of the needs of politicians.
In a sign of solidarity bureaucrats have begun strike action to try to prevent the outsourcing of political positions. One unnamed source had this to say, “With no red tape, no parking inspectors, no tax collectors, how long can this country last?”
Following the announcement by the United States that they were outsourcing their political positions the market soared with investors clamoring to by United States Bonds. The consequent strike action of bureacrats has led investors clamoring to try and invest in the United States. The Indian dollar meanwhile has hit an all time low in response to the news.