Tag Archives: self improvement

Time Flies

Its just over my one year anniversary of starting this blog. I created this blog with the intention of keeping myself consistent with my writing. It didn’t happen. This is the first time I’ve logged on in over a month. I haven’t posted for months. I outgrew this blog ages ago. I also outgrew my main project, which was a semi autobiographical novel about the malaise of modern manhood (read the prologue here).

I wanted to see whether I could finally stick to something and finish it. A year later and my perspective has changed. The Autobuiography of a Modern Male was torturous to write and it served more as a conduit to get some unresolved issues onto paper then as an aspiring literary masterpiece. I am procrastinating about finishing it and this is effecting everything else I want to do. I have almost an entire novel sitting around doing nothing and I cannot bing myself to scrap it even though I cannot bring myself to finish it.

Instead I plan to edit it (a bit) and put it up here for free. I ask that you pay me what you feel it is worth and spread it as much as you can. It is raw, it is passionate, it is based in truth (in places word for word as best I can recall). I should have it up by next week.

If The Autobiography of a Modern Male meets with enough interest and positive feedback I will finish it properly and stick it on Amazon for $2.99.

I don’t intend to update this blog regularly (or at all). This blog, like many others who have come and gone within the manosphere, is but a reflection where the writer is really talking to himself. This blog was really the penultimate conglomerate of a world view shaped slowly over the course of four years as I adapted to red pill reality. I have now reached the point where I no longer need to convince myself and thus find I have no passion to drive my on. I could do as many other blogs do and make periodic and mundane posts just to sustain a readership but I find the thought of pursuing such mediocrity more than I can handle.

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Who are you, really?

We like to imagine ourselves as the hero in our little narrative. We view ourselves differently than the world views us. Every gamma/omega secretly believes he is a lone wolf, a rugged individualist outcast. I believed that was who I was. The world viewed me differently. To the world I was nothing more than a shy loser, unnoticed and unnoticeable. I was reminded of this recently when I was contacted by a man who fills the shoes I once did.

The host of Rise Of the Omega, a new blog with potential, sent me an email (and I figured what better excuse to get back to posting) thanking me for introducing him to the manosphere.* In his initial post he says:

“That was me. I wanted to deny it but that was me. After I had read TGR White’s entire archive I followed the links from his blog to the rest of the mansophere. It was terrible. A harsh wake up call. I had always believed myself the cool loner but in reality I was the loser.”

which echoed my own sentiments upon finding pick up years ago (and here I quote the prologue to my still upcoming masterpiece:

‘It hurt. For the first time I had to look at myself honestly and it hurt. I did not realize what a loser I was.’

Finding out you are not who you think you are is harsh. It destroys you. Your entire life is formulated on the foundation of how you view yourself. You are faced with a choice: either you accept the reality that your identity is false and thus destroy the foundation of your life or else you double down and dig yourself deeper, burying yourself under layers of delusion and shrinking your world to those who reaffirm your belief in your view of yourself.

The longer you fail to confront the reality that the world views you different than you view yourself the further down the path of inevitability you are. I am not suggesting that changing is impossible but that the more of you life you build upon the false view of yourself the harder it is to accept reality, and the ensuing destruction of your world, and the more likely you are to double down. Each step you take down the wrong path in life makes it that much harder to correct.

Imagine your life as an ever widening path. The far left of the path represents where you are, no matter how you view yourself. The far right of the path is who you could be (and is often similar to how you view yourself). Each step further down the left makes the right side of the path further away. With each step you take it becomes that much less likely you will correct your trajectory.

And before I wander anymore from the point of this post: Does the world see you as you see yourself? Be honest?

What can you do to improve how the world sees you, to make you truly into the person you think you, the person you could be?

Who are you really?

*. Apparently another of my posts made reddit sometime in my absence.**

** I have been fulfilling the requirements to obtain a second year visa. I am planning on resuming posting regularly now that I am back in Civilization. I also plan to do a post on how America appears from the outside.

Do Something

Always default to action. Doing the wrong thing is better than nothing; doing nothing is itself a choice with consequences; those consequences are rarely good. Doing nothing means you don’t change, you stagnate, while the world around you moves forward; you are left behind.

Action does not have to be great. A small step leads to its own reward; reinforcement. Internal validation; that sense of accomplishment however small.

Take whatever action you can, even if it seems wrong. If it is wrong then you have gained experience from it. You have learned how not to act in the future.

Next time the action will not seem so daunting because you’ve tried it once.

The best motivation is, of course, success. It does not have to be great success. One more rep than last time means you have become stronger.

Blowing out after you get her number rather than failing at the approach means you are making progress.

Publishing a work, however rough, means you have stayed with something long enough to finish it.

Making a single dollar of your dreams helps you realize that what you want is, however hard, at least possible.

I let this blog linger too long in silence while I majored in the minors, caught up in every day drama, illness, burn out and other excuses.

Consider this post as a small action to get me back on the path.

Tomorrow I shall have an announcement

 

It Is Never The Right Time

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Waiting for the right time is a trap. It is a way of justifying your cowardice. Days of ‘it not being the right time now’ easily turn into years of lost opportunity. If you see a girl who takes your breath away but are afraid to approach her because your life is not in order then you are a coward. Your life will never be in order. You will always find some little problem to hide behind.

Perfection is another word we all hide behind. Waiting for the perfect moment. There is no perfect moment; the perfect moment is one we make. Guys hide out in the gym, waiting for just another half inch on the bicep before they go for girls. Years later they are still waiting for that magic half inch that will solve all their problems.

There is a simple way to know if it is the right time to do something; if you want it and don’t have it then its the right time to try and get it. Lonely and want a girlfriend then today is the best day to get one. When you finally have the made crib, with the large bank roll that will be sure to get the bitches you also have many more lonely nights under your belt, each adding their own stamp of bitterness on your heart.

Realizing its never the right time is nowhere more important than when it comes to chasing your dreams. I have learned this the painful way and I have eight years worth of lost time and regret; eight years of waiting for the perfect moment that never came. I have always wanted to be a writer and now I near the end of my first novel (with others in progress); my life is not in order, I do not have the perfect writer’s set up, a waiting audience, a nice little back up fund to cover my expenses…all I have is the pain that you feel when you finally take action you have been putting off and realize how many years you squandered waiting for the right time. The more you put something off the bigger that eventual regret will be and when you finally get to it and find how easy it is, all those wasted years will haunt you.

So what are you putting off for the right time that you could today? Be honest and I’ll think you’ll find there is nothing holding you back except your own fear.

What I get out of the manosphere

There are many reasons I could give for why I am a part of the manosphere. In a time of self censorship, intellectual emptiness and nihilistic frivolity the loose collection of blogs referred to as the manosphere for the sake of convenience represents one the final frontiers of free and interesting thought. Are we the last philosophers of a dying age?

The emphasis on improvement, excellence and self mastery leads me to believe that this corner of the internet will be influential; the ideas found here will help shape the lives of the current generation of young man; the generation who, coming of age on the cusp of the greatest upheaval in history, will be faced with choices and actions that will determine the course of world. Are we the architects of the next Renaissance?

Those are two great reasons to be a part of the manosphere, and they are why I keep reading. I write for a different reason though. I don’t write because I have something to say. I have said most of what I wanted to say about the world, I’ve had my red pill awakening and all the rants that go with it. They are a web of long forgotten comments across blogs and a mess of archived forum posts which would make me cringe if I were to read them today.

I write because I want to be a writer. It was passion as a kid right through most of high school, before the education system beat it, along with my curiosity and drive, out of me. I then made all the wrong choices (the correct choices in the eyes of society). I have been paying for those mistakes ever since. I have been attempting to correct five years worth of mistakes. I have improved many aspects of my life but there is one thing I have always put off. A dream is a terrible thing to have. You are scared to tell of it others because it makes you vulnerable. You are scared to try and grasp it lest it disappear. I always put off trying to be a writer; to grasp my dream.

I always put if off for the right time; it’s never the right time. I have begun and left many stories unfinished. Ideas blossom and wilt untouched. Time passes swiftly; the more you improve your life, the faster it passes as you look constantly toward the horizon, rarely paying attention to the here and now. When your life has no purpose, drive, dedication; when you are not constantly striving for self improvement, life moves slowly, time stretches on forever, dull moments needing constantly filling; constant distraction; counting off the seconds of the clock of life.

I took my eyes off the horizon and realized too much time had passed. I had improved my life greatly but I had been avoiding what I really wanted, and therefore feared. Our wants and desires have power over us. Fear of loss. Far worse though is fear of finding out you were never good enough. Never overcoming that fear leads to mediocrity; to a life of regret.

I started this blog on the spur of the moment with one goal; to write. I had no purpose for this blog and my half thought out debut post reflects that. My goal was simply to keep myself writing; to keep myself accountable.

I have succeeded. I have written more since I began this blog than I have written since I left high school. I hope to have my first novel published within a few months and a few short stories even sooner. Since I began this blog I have mirrored it with dedication in my life unmatched by anything I have done before.

That is what I get out of this blog.

I want to be a writer. It was passion as a kid through most of high school, before the education system beat that, along with my curiosity and drive, out of me. I then made all the wrong choices (the correct choices in the eyes of society). I have been paying for those mistakes ever since and I have been attempting to correct five years worth of mistakes. I have improved many aspects of my life but there is one thing I have always put off. A dream is a terrible thing to have. You are scared to tell of it others because it makes you vulnerable. You are scared to try and grasp it lest it disappear. I always put off trying to be a writer; to grasp my dream.

I always put if off for the right time; its never the right time. I have began and left many projects unfinished. Ideas blossom and wilt untouched. Time passes swiftly; the more you improve your life the faster it passes as you look constantly toward the horizon rarely paying attention to the here and now. When your life has no purpose, drive, dedication; when you are not constantly striving for self improvement life moves slowly, time stretches on forever, dull moments needing constantly filling; constant distraction; counting off the seconds of the clock of life.

I took my eyes off the horizon and realized too much time had passed. I had improved my life greatly but I had been avoiding what I really wanted, and therefore feared. Our wants and desires have power over us. Fear of loss. Far worse though is fear of finding out you were never good enough. Never overcoming that fear leads to mediocrity; to a life of regret.

I started this blog on the spur of the moment with one goal; to write. I had no purpose for this blog and my half thought out debut post reflects that. My goal was simply to keep myself writing; to keep myself accountable.

I have succeeded. I have wrote more since I began this blog than I have wrote since I left high school. I hope to have my first novel published within a few months and a few short stories even sooner. Since I began this blog I have mirrored it with dedication in my life unmatched by anything I have done before.

What do you get of the manosphere?

Interesting things are happening around the manosphere

Mojo has declared he is closing his blog. He feels he has lost his zest; outgrown the persona of Mojo; outgrown the passion that drove him into blogging. This seems to be a natural progression within the manosphere; or rather a natural progression that predates the manosphere.

The best manosphere blogs are those wrote entirely for the author; for the author to sort out his thoughts – teaching others shows we truly understand what we have learned. Mojo warns that without action we cannot truly claim to have achieved anything. We understand, and yet, we do not understand. Welcome to the world of keyboard jockeying.

A long time ago I was a clueless omega and I needed help. I found a now defunct (I hope) internet forum. Amongst the incessant shit I found pearls of wisdom; I found game for the first time. It changed my life. I spent a lot of time writing long winded posts and arguing with posters I didn’t know, or want know, over topics I didn’t really care about. I was going through the hardest transition of my life, unlearning and relearning so many things. So much red pill truth that the only way I could cope was to write post after post, essay after essay. I became a guide to newbies. At the same time I started putting into practice what I preached. Eventually I moved on from that forum and to other things.

The first time I hit rock bottom looked that forum back up. The same people stuck in the same ruts. Endless KJing, endless debate and no one had changed. Thankfully I found Roissy. I spent time in his comments arguing over trivialities and trying to call others out for their betatude. I didn’t comment much and I left after a while; real life beckoned.

The second time I hit rock bottom I returned to Roissy for a refresher of game and some inspiration. His comment thread was now a monstrosity of KJing and paper alphas trying to one up each other. Luckily the manosphere was in its prime; its scope encompassing everything a man needed to improve himself and reach new heights. I rarely commented much. I knew most of it already, I just wanted reminding.

I have been in and out of the manosphere since that time and I see something which disgusts me, a rise of KJ alphas arguing endlessly over theory. Hiding out online, trying to perfect technique with years of their life passing, the world changing, they remaining static. A week of real life practice is worth more than a year of theory.

Game is learned in the field just as muscle building is learned in the gym and so it is with all aspects of self improvement.

A year from now will you still be reading, looking for the perfect approach, or blogging away about bitches and whores are ruining the world or will you be taking action…the question is, whether you are a lurker, commenter or blogger, what do you get out of the manosphere?

Tomorrow I will say what I get out of it.

http://mattforney.com/2012/11/14/the-empire-never-ended/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+MattForney+%28Matt+Forney%29

May you find what you are looking for

I asked what do I do and I still don’t have an exact answer. I am no prophet. I am not certain of the future, all I can do is extrapolate based on what I see around me. And what I see around me leads to me to believe the future is going to be a time of trial, uncertainty, harsh decisions and tough living, especially for the unprepared.

Our current society is very feminine. The future may be very masculine.

The US is now the Roman republic facing a crucial moment in history. It shall either become the next Roman empire, thus destroying the last remnants of the basis upon which the US was founded and wiping away the ever dying illusion of any power residing with the people, or it shall collapse due mostly to its own inertia and corruptedness.

When the Roman republic became the Roman empire it was due to fall but with any outside pressure Roman power was solidified into the greatest tyranny the world had ever known and would ever know up until the 20th Century.

The US appears to face outside pressure. The rise of Asia, the islamists inside the walls, bankers looting anything they can get their slimy fingers on.

Is Asia a paper tiger? Demographically they are in for a rough ride. Will Islam be defeated by feminism (tempt the women to unleash their hypergamic hamsters and no force can stop them). With the best and brightest of the West fleeing for new horizons, or contemplating it, will the US be undone by those it betrayed?

Our current war is economic though violence forever hovers at the fringes. When the guns and tanks of this modern cold war are nothing but ones and zeroes on banking computers controlled by a privileged few working behind the scenes, who can predict the outcome?

Prophets as I said, are hated. Truth tellers aren’t liked much better since the future is decided in the present and thus is an indictment of the present and the actions of those in the present.

[As an aside, forecasting the future effects the future. People react to a forecast of the future and take action based on that forecast, sometimes leading to a self fulfilling prophecy. The electability of Ron Paul is one such self fulfilling prophecy. Everyone says Ron Paul can’t win so you shouldn’t waste your time voting for him. If everyone acts on that forecast then of course he won’t win.

Similarly, if an economist predicts the economic will collapse and people follow his forecast and start hoarding money and making runs on the bank then stagnation followed by collapse is a possible outcome.

Who makes these predictions? Are they aware of the effect they have (cause following from predicted effect)? So, are these people really forecasting the future or are they trying to shape it? To what end?]

Nobody wants to hear doom and gloom, so don’t spread it unnecessarily.

Instead time to focus on the question of what is to be done?

Or rather, what do I do?

One thing must be readily stated: What matters is the individual and individual actions. Causes, ideologies, governments and so on are straws to grasp for those who are lost and without a strong sense of self.

Civilisation ought to suit humanity. Instead humanity is continually bent and broken to fit an unnatural civilisation. The effects of it are everywhere.

That dull look in people’s eyes, coping mechanisms: alcoholism, obesity, TV; depression and suicide; sex as the only time people feel human, or connect, or feel alive only at the point of orgasm. Alarm clocks, chronic lack of sleep, lack of exercise, burn out, lack of vigour, lack of life.

Always in shaping society the individual is lost. Any solution cannot be a top down approach. There is no such thing as a perfect society. One man’s utopia is another man’s hell. Do you imagine someone can plan the perfect life for you? Can you plan the perfect life  for another person? Imagine trying to do that 1 million times over, knowing that somewhere someone’s perfect life must be curtailed for another. How do you decide who takes precedence? How do you even compare, contrast and weigh happiness or preferences?

If the twentieth century has any legacy it is that planned societies do not work. The only approach is bottom up; individual action.

The best way to convince another person is through prolonged examples. Time, after all, is makes more converts than reason, especially when we live in an age of sophistry and emotion.

The action that can be taken is thus apparent; live your own life well. You owe that much to yourself.

Whatever your goal in life, there is one action you can take for others. Live your life so as to make them discontent with their own. That discontendness leads one to question their life and, if they have the strength, to change their life for the better. The more people who swallow the red pill and rebuild their lives to suit themselves instead of our dysfunctional matriarchy the better the future of prospects of the rest of society.

The pick up artist who leaves a legacy of broken hearts also leaves a plethora of clueless and jealous betas wondering how to be that man. The first step to being that man is to swallow a little of the red pill. For some, that is as far as it goes. For others, the truth of women’s base nature is only the beginning.

Being a player, three things matter. Health, wealth and freedom. The secret to good health is to escape the corporate feedlot and eat natural foods. Paleo is better. To do this, support your local farms. A small price to pay to be that old man banging sluts half his age while your contemporaries keel over with heart attacks in their wheel chairs.

The truth of wealth is that being an employee without your own source of independent income makes you a proletariat slave. If you have nothing to sell but your labor (no matter how good your suit) you are ultimately trapped.

And freedom is obvious. The more the government expands and attempts to limit your lifestyle the more you become, by necessity, wedded to the downfall of this matriarchal monstrosity.

[I am not talking about the feel good raising awareness of pink ribbons, status whoring bracelets or shitty Bono concerts but instead the raising of red pill truths, often subtly. A player’s very existence leads to the red pill. Game seems to the biggest precursor to the red pill.]

For the man who wants his own family, you have chosen the hardest path. So time to man up and grow a pair. You need the strength to turn your back on everything. You need the strength to trawl your way through pussy to find one worth mothering your children, and then you need the strength to devote your life to leading her and keeping her and making sure your family prospers.

Forget whatever old fashioned notions you were raised with. You need game. Hard core game. You need to know every single day that women are reflective and followers by nature. You need to shoulder the responsiblity that whatever happens may not be your fault but it is up to you to damn well fix it. So everyday you need to lead your woman and your family and keep the claws of the matriarchy out of them.

You also need economic freedom. If you want a family you need to provide what matters most. Time with their parents, a home education, a childhood worth having, and a sense of security. Move to wherever you think the best place to have kids would be. Smaller towns, crime free, where you can devote time, attention, and resources to raising the little monsters into passable human beings.

You need to be economically strong. The more sources of income you have, the better. The less you are tangled up with the system the better. Recognise that the secret is to accumulate wealth (which is more than currency) within the family unit.

To do this you need a woman who shares your values and vision. By the time you have accumulated the sort of wealth even needed to start a family you will probably be thirty or older. The importance of game here is paramount because your wife ought to be in her early to mid 20s, at the peak of her fertility. Don’t marry aging carousel dizzy cougars if you want the best shot at having healthy kids let alone having them raised well.

Essentially the future has three likely outcomes. Increased control, violent collapse or a peaceful collapse that is a return to a more distributivist society. The first two are more likely and the choice between them comes down to how suicidally greedy the government is and how complacent the people are.

A peaceful collapse, or rather, peaceful restructuring of society is possible. It can only happen through a bottom up approach, through men and women who want a future (i.e kids) becoming economically independent of the state, through a return to a redistribution of the bottlenecks of wealth more evenly amongst people.

This trend has began with homesteading and is why the government has declared such people domestic terrorists, began gun drawn raids on raw milk sellers, and is introducing agenda 21 legislation to control what people can do with their own land. This is why the government outlaws private (competing) currencies. MGTOW, frugality, location independence, the growing trend of entrepreneurship among the young are all part of this

The means of production more evenly distributed among the majority would lead to a freer market, one that does not need a government or corporate middle man. Communication advances mean buyer and seller can now negotiate without the interference of monopolies, whether they are global corporations or governments.

The less dependent any individual is on the Corporatist State monopoly the more of a threat that individual is.

The faceless peon who works a soul killing job to accumulate constantly devalued currency to spend on distractions from their empty lives, their only personal relationships full of resentment, gulping down mass manufactured garbage leading to chronic problems that need to be managed by cookie cutter healthcare that keeps your miserable existence going. The perfect citizen. The perfect consumer. Your life if you refuse to accept the red pill.

A return, in short, to a more distributivist, or free market economy is to starve the beast.

In a distributivist economy, where the free market was at its strongest and freest, wealth was accumulated among families. Families could mean extended families who had an economy of favors. Favors can’t be taxed and their valuation is not arbitrarily decided by how much bankers decide to inflate the currency but by what those involved feel is a good turn.

This cannot be regulated, organised or set up. It has to come about spontaneously, agreements reached between individuals. Value determined by each party at the point agreement is reached.

Families accumulated wealth for the future; for their kids. Demographics matter. Before the rise of Corporatism families raised kids, not daycare, schools or the government. Kids learned that reliance and trust went with blood, friendship and honour. Relationships that created bonds threatening to the Corporatist State and thus were undermined.

Demographically its these kids, the next generation of home schooled red pill kids, who will reap the benefits of our benevolence our suffer our short sightedness.

I see an undercurrent of pent up anger, of desperation waiting for a spark. We are in a calm before the storm. Everyone senses something is wrong but no one dare name it publicly. Everybody is trying to raise awareness because no one dare take action. To take action is to open yourself up to vulnerability, to being a target, a worse to finding no one stands with you. We are a spark away from a revolution but who wants to be that spark?

It’s a prisoner’s dilemma situation. The alternative is to withdraw. You don’t need to destroy this sick society. You only need to realise that you, and people like you, are what holds this sick society up. Through your actions you tacitly support the beast which is raping you and pillaging your future.

Choosing to turn your back on all this and getting others to do the same will just as effectively bring it all crumbling down. Why stand in front of tanks when you can convince all the tank mechanics to let them fall to bits?

As you age your goals in life change. Right now I am young man and I want to enjoy life. One day my goals my change. Always better to keep your options as open as you can.

Finally I can answer, what do I do? Or rather, what am I doing?

My goal is currently pursuing my passion with short term gratification on the side.

I am reducing the hold the system has on me, reducing my dependence upon the state and upon major corporations.

I am also trying to incorporate basic diligence about security and anonymity into my routine. One day I may come to the attention of the authorities or be wanted for some trumped up crime (maybe I forgot to take some ONS to breakfast) and if that day comes I will be more prepared than not. I have seen people falsely convicted. No thanks.

I do not eat the feedlot swill and I protect my health as best I can.

I do not partake of a soul killing job for a paycheck to blow on escapist entertainment so I can forget my daily drudgery for a moment.

I spend time pursuing my passion, which I neglected for a long time to try and walk the blue pill path, struggling against my soul the whole time.

I am relearning game and I am devoting my life to myself.

I am constantly trying to improve myself.

I have not ruled out a family or future some day so I keep my options open.

I keep aware of what is going on lest I awake one day to find myself trapped within a police state.

I live my life is an example to others. In person I rarely mention red pill truths unless asked. Every person who asks my advice though is subtly introduced to red pill thinking.